Conflict
Dr. John Gottman is agreeing with @bayavoce here: conflict isn’t a sign you picked the wrong person. Two people means two minds, so tension is normal. What matters is whether you can come back to each other and repair. One helpful rule (from Anatol Rapoport): pause persuasion until you reach mutual understanding.
Before you fix or convince, see if you can accurately reflect your partner’s perspective, plus what they feel and what they need. And if conflict feels activating, you’re not alone. Many people learned to shut down, avoid, or people-please to stay safe. Going slow, taking breaks, and coming back when you’re calmer is still progress.
Before you fix or convince, see if you can accurately reflect your partner’s perspective, plus what they feel and what they need. And if conflict feels activating, you’re not alone. Many people learned to shut down, avoid, or people-please to stay safe. Going slow, taking breaks, and coming back when you’re calmer is still progress.